Music

I have all these songs that I associate with my time in hospital, and it's weird, I can't listen to them without bringing back the old feelings of being in hospital.
Like "Kissing You" by Miranda Cosgrove. There was this one boy on the unit who was OBSESSED with Miranda, and he used to go into the gym and blast her CD while he exercised. But I remember a few times (during my second and third admissions) me and sometimes some of the other ED girls would sneak into the gym while this boy was exercising, which we were totally not allowed to do, and exercise secretly. Now, every time I hear that song I feel really pumped up and rebellious, like doing something naughty.

Then there was the music I sang while I was there. There was a nurse, Suzy, who brought in a keyboard and guitar and she'd sit with me for hours and sing and play with me because she knew it took my mind off things. Still, the songs I sang with her, like Hallelujah and Let Her Go, make me want to cry, because when I hear them, all I can think of is the desolation I felt in those darkest moments in hospital when I most desperately wanted to go home.

I had my MP3 player with me during my admissions, and I used to listen to music almost constantly.

Even now, I have a playlist called "Shrinking Mind" that, chronologically, has songs that lead from the heartbreak that triggered my ED, to the depths of my illness, to a shining light of recovery in the end, that I know I haven't quite reached yet.